Anti-bark comedy

I write informal reviews for products that a friend sells at her chain of pet shops. The following one was written nearly a year ago and yesterday I received a cheque in the mail from her thanking me for being instrumental in selling so many of this product.

R10 000 bucks!

I dug the review out to find out how my inane scribblings could have helped her sell over a 1000 units.


I have a little rescue doggy that we picked up from the streets with some serious behavioural problems.

One of them is howling when ever he sees another dog while taking his nightly walk with his adoring humans.

If it was a soft howl it would have been ok, however he uses his whole chest cavity to amplify his howls and subsequently the Fire Department has expressed an interest in mounting him on their trucks to warn other motorists of their approach. Needless to say, we declined this offer of employment on his behalf.

I received the Multivet Product from yourself in the post. As you know I do NOT believe in cruelty to our four legged friends in any shape and form, but with the SPCA approval sticker on the front I was immediately intrigued with the product name: “Anti Bark Spray Collar”.

The collar in action

Apparently it picks up vibrations in the throat and supposedly squirts a harmless mist into the dog’s face to distract him. It doesn’t hurt him, so it will only cut out those annoying barks without stopping him from barking altogether at real threats.

It was as if the universe has finally answered my prayers. Would this help shutting Sir Chester up? Would I now be able to go for a walk each night with a silent dog that doesn’t go off like an air raid siren every couple of minutes?

Now there is NO way I’m using anything on my dogs without trying it myself. So I opened the packet, inserted the battery and filled the nozzle on the contraption with the canister provided.

Then I switched it on – clipped it around my neck and uttered a small experimental little bark.

ppffftttttt – a whole squirt of water hit my nose

I stumbled back and shouted in alarm which earned me another bloody squirt of water right into my sinuses – practically drowning me!

Trying to shut my trap up – which is VERY difficult if you are like me and HAVE to swear whenever you get a fright – I finally managed to unclip the damn thing from my neck.

Are they bloody insane? I don’t want to drown the poor dog – I just want to shut the little critter up!

I shoved everything back into the bag – intent on sending it back to you with a couple of choice swearwords, but to be fair I decided to read the little book that comes with it (just in case I didn’t use it properly).

Half way through the pamphlet I found a reference to “quantity recommended for different dogs”…. Oops! I had the nozzle turned up full and that is meant only for your extremely large breeds. Lynda – you can be such an idiot sometimes!

So I turned the nozzle right down, held it gently to my larynx and did another small experimental bark. A harmless mist was released with a gentle pppfffttt and I finally declared myself happy with the experiment.

That night when I put Sir Chester’s harness on – I also tied the contraption around his neck. And so off we went into the dark night looking for other dogs so that Chester can do his THANG and scream like a banshee.

At the first gate – two Huskies barked at us walking past and Sir Chester immediately launched into his rendition of La Traviata. The teenager and myself waited with baited breath for the pppfffttt – but NOTHING came. What the hell?

I looked at it and realised that I never switched it on….. Ai ai ai!

At the next house a Boxer and a Jack Russell went bananas at us through their prison bars and Sir Chester immediately started his unearthly howls…… but what happened next was like watching the Keystone Cops in action.

Sir Chester: “hoooooowwwwwllllllllll, tjank tjank, hoooooooowwwwwllll, tjank

Contraption: pppffffttt right into his face

Sir Chester gets such a fright he goes: “BARK

Contraption: pppffftttt

By now Chester didn’t know what the hell was going on so he barked again only to be rewarded with another pppffffttt to the face. The idiot doesn’t learn because immediately after that he barks again and the contraption this time hits him with a double dose square between the eyes pppffffttt pppffffttt.

Did that make him stop? Hell no – but now he added a new thing to the mix
BARK pppfffttt BARK BARK pppffftt pppffftt (reversed at top speed) TJANK ppfffttt (reversed some more) BARK BARK pppffffttt pppfffttt…… (reversed smack into the tree which made him turn around and BARK at the tree) pppfffttt….

The teenager and myself were of NO use what so ever because I was on my knees howling with laughter and the teenager was holding on to the tree for support.

Finally Chester came to the abrupt realisation that he had to shut the hell up to stop being squirted.

I pulled him close, gave him a cuddle and he FLATLY refused to be put down after that.

Oh what the hell! I was happy that at least he wasn’t barking and howling anymore, even if it meant that I had to carry him all the way home!

The next night we strapped it on again and after he got squirted for howling, he shut up for the rest of the walk.

HEAVEN! Silence has NEVER sounded so good!

Within three days he stopped barking and howling completely! After three weeks – he sometimes forgets and once he gets a face full of water for his pains, he immediately shuts up and happily carries on walking.

So I would HIGHLY recommend this product to anybody who has a barking and howling dog that causes distress to its owners, the neighbours and other animals in the house. There is NO physical or emotional trauma to the animal while their behaviour is being corrected. What is excellent about this product is that it does not stop the dog from barking completely – but because he knows the repercussions – he will only bark when it is absolutely necessary.

Do you think the company can also supply us with a similar product we can tie to teenagers to stop them from backchatting?

Just a thought!

With much thanks from a grateful Lynda and a silent Sir Chester.

So would you buy this product based on this review? Apparently over 1000 did? How strange is that!


About Lyndatjie

A 50 year old Techno Junky from Cape Town - South Africa. Shares her home with 2 teenagers and other animals.
This entry was posted in Our strange animals and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to Anti-bark comedy

    • lyndatjie says:

      Did it work Cindy??? Little Chester still doesn’t bark on walks unless it is totally necessary. Keeping in mind as well that I haven’t strapped it on him in over 5 months. So did it work for Lulubel and Fritzel??

  1. adeeyoyo says:

    I would have bought it too, had I known about it, but don’t need it now. I havn’t heard of it because I don’t go into pet shops. Maybe they should stock it at Vets and pet food stores. Just a suggestion.

  2. adeeyoyo says:

    Where them stars, girl?

  3. Ten G’s is a very nice windfall. Congrats.

  4. granny1947 says:

    Classic Lyndatjie…I had to go to the loo…will be phoning my Mom just now to read it to her.

  5. granny1947 says:

    No wonder you wanted to go to the flea market…that is a lovely windfall!

  6. halfp1nt says:

    Way to go! I remember this post and hosing myself at your descriptions 🙂

    • lyndatjie says:

      Can you believe that so many people bought it? I’m so glad that people are starting to work with alternative methods of training instead of smacking a dog to get it too listen. Such a horrible way to train a beloved pet… 😦

  7. New Attitude says:

    Heya lyndatjie, sounds like fun was had by all!! Well done on your sell 🙂

  8. daynemercy says:

    How funny! Could I get one of those for some of the local two-legged howlers whose wails!

    Thank you for your kind comment, as well.

  9. Supa says:

    I’m sure the purchasers enjoyed your write-up as much as us, well done 🙂

    • lyndatjie says:

      Crazy old lady!!! Ok – when are you going to start a blog here? Come on – you can run two at the same time – just duplicate your posts on both so that we can introduce our favourite super hero granny to the nice people here on WordPress…. 🙂

  10. mrakm says:

    Now, if I could convince my neighbour to buy one…
    maybe drop a copy of this post in his postbox.

    Not one, but 2 bl**dy Maltese that go ballistic every time a leaf drops (or I fart in my front garden).

    • lyndatjie says:

      Oh cool! It is great to see you here – I still wanted to pop over to your blog to tell you that mum went to her first bowling match on Saturday since the operation. She was a bit wonky on her feet – but watching them play made her feel like she wanted to start bowling again. Good news huh?

      PS: I’ve got an answer for you about dem yapping buggers…. I’ll post it tomorrow and if you have the bucks – you are going to thank me for giving you such an easy solution. *GRIN*

  11. grandawn says:

    Oh, my goodness! I am laughing so hard!!!

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